Hello lovelies, welcome back to my page. So we all know the overwhelming joy and love blah bah blah…that comes with having a baby but what about the other lesser talked about, but undeniable perks about owning a tiny human? We all know how parenting is a 24/7 job with no paid holiday or annual leave, but that doesn’t mean to say there aren’t some hidden benefits…
The benefits I’ve found…
You will have a never ending supply of baby wipes at your disposal. That means you’ll never sleep in your make up again (or at least have an excuse not to), you’ll use them to clean your house or take them camping if you’re outdoorsy in fact they will be used for absolutely everything and anything you can think of it’s a total win!!.
2. The pushchair.
You will essentially have a good old trolley you can take everywhere with you. Charge for carrier bags? Not Bothered!! I’ll just put my stuff under the pushchair. Never carry a bag again and it’s a total workout pushing that load around every single day. Heads up multiple bottles of wine and chocolate under a pushchair will cause tipping (yes this has happened).
3. Those dreaded smells.
You can blame all those dodgy smells on your little sidekick. Vindaloo last night? Here comes lots of nose wrinkling and ‘oh I think the little one needs a change so sorry’. I say utilise this one as long as you can until they can talk (then they get their own back with lots of ‘mummy are you doing a poo?’ Or ‘mummy you just pumped!’ In public toilet cubicles. It was a bluddy wee people, prudes).
If you are anything like me you’ll love shopping I mean who doesn’t like to spend money well there will always be someone to shop for. They grow constantly like weeds and destroy their clothes regularly. Ok one drawback to this is that you are often accompanied by said weed who may not share shopping enthusiasm in fact it’s like going on a mission through the jungle with wild animals just getting through one shop, but totally worth it I say.
5. Baby brain.
I am shockingly forgetful these days to the point I literally write every single thing down I have little notes to myself laying all over the house. Now though I have a reason – baby brain. Did I forget your name? Baby brain, Did I forget your birthday? Baby brain, Did I forget to text you back? (I don’t think I like you very much but hey let’s say) baby brain.
6. New knowledge.
You will acquire a ridiculous amount of knowledge of things you knew nothing about before. I could have a degree in baby/children related crap. I know about every baby related brand and could easily win a mastermind round on baby/children’s paraphernalia (if it wasn’t for that bluddy baby brain of course). In a mastermind scenario if in doubt of product name add an ‘oo’ on the end, you know- a jumperoo, bugaboo, cockadoodle doo, let-me-go-to-the-frickin-loo etc etc.
So as you can see all these unexpected bonuses may not be pension contributions or get you private medical care or a company car but then who needs a company car when you have a deluxe pushchair stacked with baby wipes and wine. This is the part where I mention the blah blah blah, of course the biggest perk of all is, the little bundle of joys themselves.
If only I could remember their names….