Hello lovelies, welcome back to my blog. In my near-decade (7 years to be exact) of being a single mother, there have been a countless amount of times I’ve struggled. I’d say struggle is a daily, unwanted guest in my house. Even this week my eldest daughter Zoe who’s 13 was being bullied at School and wouldn’t tell me or her teachers who or what was being said to her. This totally sent me into a state of panic!!
I didn’t want her to become just another girl on the statistic list that got bullied at school and something happened to her, I didn’t sleep, tried going around the situation at every angle to help her but nope nothing she really does just close up like a book. This has always been the case with her she is as deep as the ocean. I did however speak to the school got them involved in the situation and since it seems to have calmed down and she seems a lot happier in herself which I’m so thankful of.
The only way I managed to help her at home was by reassuring her I was always going to be there and that if she needed anything at all day or night just come to me. Another thing I done was distracted her from the situation I took her out on a little shopping trip we bought some new inexpensive makeup, clothes and hair stuff just to give her that little confidence boost which seems to have helped her a lot she was more than happy to go to school the next day and show her friends all the little pieces she bought.
I look back at that time with such nostalgia as I too got bullied at school and Even though my parents didn’t have a lot of money they always gave me more than what I needed all the time, even though I didn’t have the most expensive clothes or trainers or went on the most expensive holidays just like how I am with my daughters, there was a sweet simplicity to finding free activities, caravan holidays, and family trips to the zoo etc that I grew to love and I know that me doing the same with my daughters they love it too.
Right now I am currently studying for my English literature degree and we don’t have a huge amount of money, we do struggle a lot sometimes but I try to give them a treat now and then and if I need to go without so be it I’ll definitely do it!
I am actually wracked with guilt over getting my degree. I put my family second in a way I didn’t have a well off job,I can’t afford the most expensive things in life but I’d done it to pursue a dream of being a writer. I tried to keep my older daughter oblivious to our struggles.
Our situation won’t improve for quite some time. I struggle along, working a couple of writing and studying a lot from home.
Much of the pressure I feel in being a single parent is the responsibility of being the dependable one. I always show up when I say I will. We have several quirky routines that never change. My job is to provide security, a safe haven, a place of comfort, even if it means pretending we have one. I’ve always wondered what my daughters will say about me and their childhoods when they are older. Now that things are evening out, no one told me it was going to be this hard being a single mother but I wouldn’t change my decision at all.
For the last few years, I’ve teetered in the shuffle that was having 10 pounds in my account and living day to day. I don’t feel as much guilt in not feeling like I am secure enough to raise them on my own, but it’s still there whenever I see people post photos of family holidays, why can’t I do that? Why are my girls missing out?.
I’m not one for patting myself on the back. When good things happen, when big paychecks come, I nod in recognition, then get to work on the next project. I still feel caught up in the daily struggle to survive, and I’m not sure how much longer it’ll be until I feel an overwhelming sense of “I did it!” Maybe it won’t happen until they’re both through college but I will get there.
but I’ll continue to struggle as long as they need me and fight to give them what they deserve in life. I just keep telling myself that I know this isn’t going to be forever and as much as I do struggle daily with anxiety and depression or with money issues my daughters are clean, healthy and well cared for and that I love them more than life itself I’d do anything for them to be happy this I hope they look back on in years to come and say ” my mum did it! And she did it alone”.
These are just a few of the things I struggle with being a single parent. I don’t look at my life and want to change anything though yes I may struggle but we have the love, the happiness and the memories between just the three of us that no one will ever take away.
It’s our little family and I wouldn’t change it for the world.