Hello lovelies, welcome back to my page. Today I’m going to share with you the story of how I became a teenage mother and my choices, failed relationships and learning as I went now that my daughter is now a teenager herself. I would like to point out that I am in no way looking for praise or sympathy I am only sharing my story in hopes it may be helpful for someone else in that situation or similar situations.
I was 17 when I fell pregnant to the complete shock of myself and of course my parents who I know were deeply disappointed in me but wouldn’t change it for the world now. I wasn’t in a steady relationship but instead was in a violent relationship with a boy a few years older than me. At that point in time I did have a job but myself and my mother just didn’t get on I was a very opinionated person who liked to have the last word and always argued back and because I am so much like my mother we butted heads constantly resulting in me usually getting thrown out the house and having to stay with friends for a few days.
During this time I met said boy who at first was lovely and would have done anything for me and being a 17 year old girl I was very naive and just plain stupid if I could go back in time and change things but still have my daughter I would!!
Anyway I met said boy and myself and my friends all hung around in a large group, about a week into seeing this guy I butted heads with my mother once again and ended up getting thrown out the house so had to go to my friends once again nothing unusual there I’d be back home the next day.
Instead of staying with my friends which I should have done now looking back, they all talked me into just moving in with this boy after a week of knowing him well that was a traumatic experience I don’t want to go into too much detail but it was violent, physical abuse, mental abuse, arguments non stop for about two months. One day it got so bad he started locking me in the house I couldn’t see friends or family nothing at all and I finally cracked I sat at the front door for four hours begging to get out and he finally let me because I said I was going to my mums I’d be right back. I ran so fast and when I got there I actually begged my mother and father to let me go home they didn’t know what was happening or why I wanted to go home but they let me thank god! I couldn’t stay in that house one night longer who knows what would have happened.
Once I got home I started to try and get on with my life as normal we went on holiday to a caravan in Blackpool with my extended family aunt, uncle grandma the whole family which was fantastic it was great to get away and spend time with my family away from everyone and everything going on at home and especially him I just couldn’t cope with him anymore.
On this holiday I started to feel very unwell I thought I had a urine infection and felt tired and sickly not once did pregnancy cross my mind. One day we were in a small cafe and sat next to my grandmother eating my breakfast she just turned to me and said ” you’re pregnant” I laughed and said “haha yeah ok that’ll be right” I was on the pill I couldn’t be…..could I?
We got home from the two week break and life went back to normal I spent time with friends and done the usual stuff teenagers do. I wasn’t a badly behaved girl I didn’t ever get in trouble at school or with the police anything like that I may have answered back to my mother but that what teenager doesn’t try and push their limits with their parents. I had never been in trouble or slept around with lots of guys I was just your normal teenage 17 year old geeky girl who loved playing the PlayStation and spending time outdoors with friends.
About two weeks after we got home I started seeing a new boy (that’s what teenagers do) who I had known for years he was lovely and we were like best friends anyway. A few days later my friend had a birthday party and we all had a few drinks I know illegal in the uk but teenagers do it and everyone else was doing it so I joined in. It was a really good night we stayed over and in the morning I woke up feeling so sick like actually sickness bug sick not a hangover I had one of them before this felt different. When I got up to go get some water i had to run outside to be sick because someone was using the toilet, it just kept coming over and over, I didn’t drink enough to be this sick something was wrong.
My friend said I think your pregnant kim you need to get a test I laughed at her and said ” hahaha don’t be daft it’s just a bug or something” but the next day was the same the sickness was getting worse it was lasting all day and night. I didn’t dare say anything to my parents I was terrified incase I was pregnant what would I do I was only 17 and what about this new boy? I can’t be with him and be pregnant I someone else what the hell is going on?! I was so lost and confused, I felt so alone.
After a couple of days my friend decided she was going to get me a test so off she went to the local pharmacy and came back with this white stick I had to wee on, I went upstairs to the toilet with my now ex who I hated with a passion let’s just say one way to describe this boy was ‘the devil incarnate’ he was now sitting outside the toilet door. I done the test and sat it on the toilet seat upside down I dared not look at it incase it said pregnant so I waited and waited for about ten minutes which felt like an hour and finally turned it over…..PREGNANT!!
She was right I was pregnant! I just burst out crying what was I going to do? How could I let this happen? My parents are going to kill me! I was literally shaking like a leaf when I opened the toilet door he was standing there acting all excited about it like we were going to be this little happy family asking is it? Are you? I told him yes and he tried to hug me and it honestly felt like the devil had tried to give me a hug, I just pushed him away and walked down stairs to my friends who wrapped their arms around me and told me it was all going to be ok….how? How was it going to be ok? They told me to gather my thoughts and wait to tell my parents but I couldn’t I couldn’t stay in the same house and keep that secret no way!
I had to go tell the new boy I was seeing first so off I went across the street walking to my other friends house trying to hold myself together and overthinking absolutely everything. I wasn’t really bothered about telling him that really didn’t matter to me right now it was more my parents. I knew I was going to call it off and that was it, so I got to the door and he came running out and gave me a huge hug he already knew someone had already told him. I just looked at him and burst into tears and said “I’m sorry, I’m pregnant we need to call this off” and I just turned and walked away with my cousin and ex boyfriend following right behind me.
Walking towards my house I knew I had to tell my parents I had to get it over with over and over in my head I kept saying they’re going to kill you what have you done? Why me? Why now? I just didn’t know how to cope with this situation. My ex boyfriend and my cousin walked behind me towards my mothers they kept going over and over what I was going to say but in reality I wasn’t listening all I could hear were the voices in my head. How I would say it, what would I say? I was clueless I think I was still in shock.
I finally got home a two minute walk felt like it had take a hour i walked in the door with my cousin and ex right behind me. I got to my living room and just stood in the doorway I couldn’t face my father no way facing my mother was enough for now! I looked straight at my mother I couldn’t say it I just stood there there the words were in my head but they wouldn’t come out! I stood there looking at her trying to hold back the tears in my head screaming “IM PREGNANT” and she all of a sudden said it “you’re pregnant aren’t you?” The relief the fear, shock, joy that she said it not me overcame me and I just burst out in tears and nodded my head. All of a sudden my dad stood up so angry and shaking his head and walked out the room shouting “you’ve f*****g ruined your life” and my ex at this point said “see I told you they would know”! I honestly thought my father was going to kill him my mum started shouting, my dad was shouting I didn’t know what to do I was a broken mess so I just walked back out the house and went back to my friends where they tried to get me excited and kept saying things could be worse trying to reassure me but we were only teenagers I was only a 17 year old girl who just left high school nothing was ok about this situation.
I cried literally all day thinking about what I was going to do. I knew I was keeping the baby as soon as I saw the test because I would never get an abortion and I knew I’d have to bring this baby up alone but I just didn’t know how. After a few hours my mother came looking for me and took me home to talk.
We sat down and she asked what I wanted to do and gave me all the options but I told her I was keeping the baby I wouldn’t get an abortion so she called the midwife and made an appointment to get a scan to see how far along i was and if everything was ok….
This is the first part of my story there’s lots more to come look out for the next part coming soon!!