What Will Be Will Be…
hello lovelies, welcome back to my blog. Where to begin? Well let’s start with relationships are HARD work and You really shouldn’t think of failed relationships as being a waste of your time, love and effort on your part because as much as we don’t like to admit it, it definitely takes two to tango. Relationships come to an end and there isn’t much you can do about it if that’s what the other person wants or maybe you wanted. If it is meant to end it will doesn’t matter if it’s a good parting of ways or horrific it will just end, cease to exist. But there is always something you will learn about yourself and relationships when once comes to an end. I am going to share with you some things that failed relationships taught me (believe me I’ve had my fair share).
Where to begin…
- Sex can be one hell of a drug – apparently. I can just about vaguely remember this activity not too sure it’s been so long haha!!. Some people say it is like riding a bike; well I hope not because I can’t remember the last time I did ride one. But seriously with the right person, it’s like a heavy cocktail of drugs and it keeps you healthy. The hormones that are released are necessary for well being and keeping the bond alive with intimacy between you and your partner. You also get to learn techniques along the way.
- Insecurities will try to destroy you – I’m actually not joking either definitely one of the things that failed relationships teach you. Being in the wrong relationship or having the wrong mind set will make you ill sometimes physically or mentally either way is just as bad. Are you insecure about your physical appearance? I know what this feels like especially after being put on certain drugs after chemotherapy and gaining a lot of weight. Unlike celebrities, most of us women can not afford to have tummy tucks, Botox or lip fillers I know I can’t (I bluddy wish haha).
- Trust – One of my ex-partners who I loved more than anyone betrayed me,told me the world would be mine and he’d be right there by my side till the end, only to take me along for the ride and drop me in and instant like I never existed. It wasn’t just an emotional pain it was a physical pain too. My life fell apart I wasn’t able to trust anyone afterwards and that has definitely made me insecure and has done for a very long time.
- Communication – You need to be able to open up to your partner or what is the point. You should be able to talk about anything and everything without fear of being judged or ridiculed. You in return must have the ability to listen I mean really listen not just sit and say (yeah ok uh huh I’m listening). It won’t last long if you can’t talk to the person you are supposed to be in love with or listen to them either.
- Your Strengths – Vulnerability is a strength. I feel vulnerable every time I meet someone new and Instead of letting them in I build that safe wall around me that I have built up over the years. I have to acknowledge the feeling of vulnerability to be ready to accept what could be something truly wonderful but I just can’t seem to do it, I don’t think my anxiety disorder helps that a lot though. You need to put yourself in their hands and trust with all your being easier said than done I know.
- Love – a four letter word that can either make or destroy your life. Love is not just a feeling it is a choice, it is also real as real as you and me. Peoples capacity of love differ greatly, It has to be unconditional there is no question of that. You can’t love someone just because they do a certain thing for you or you expect them to love you back if you show them you love them. We have to love completely and utterly with every part of our being, no conditions and expectations. I agree sometimes that is scary but anything else is a complete fraud and there’s no point in doing it, you won’t get anything out of it.
- Don’t settle – You need to know what you want from life and a partner I think before you start that journey I know I’m not in the right place to bring someone into my life just yet and instead of going on dates or meeting new people I’ll wait till I’m ready to give it my all. I fell in love with my ex partner very young had two kids and we grew apart and it was constantly arguing and fighting which wasn’t good for anyone.
- Always trust your gut – I used to ignore it. It would be screaming at me, telling me no he’s a psycho… me “oh don’t be daft stupid gut I’m sure he has a nice side” haven’t we all been there?! – well guess what he didn’t, and neither did the next or the next. I learnt my lesson the hard way but it was a lesson well learnt and I now listen to my gut and it fails me no longer. I’ve learned to listen to that little voice in my head, and the feelings in my gut which people refer to as your second brain. They speak the truth Open your eyes, feel and listen.
- Make your relationship a priority – this goes without question well you would think so wouldn’t you. If you want your relationship to work you have to put it first. I find this hard because I always put my daughters before anyone and anything in life but I know It is something that you have to work for, and there will always be a level of compromise but that is a small price to pay to be honest and happy in your relationship.
- Don’t chase – apart from making you look like a desperate psycho haha! if you need to chase someone they are not the one for you. If you are important to someone they will show it and vice versa. No game playing, and don’t mess with someone’s feelings giving them hope where there is none someone always gets hurt in the end.
- Failure will make you stronger – I do believe this to be true and I used to be such a bloody doormat I’d let everyone walk all over me (ok I still am that person to an extent). I always give people far too many chances always believing that in my heart they are really good people and they will change it’s just a bump in the road. Well that’s a lot of s**t!! As my grandmother used to say ” a leopard never changes its spots”. I think we do build up a protective wall for a while, but when you have digested it all and you realise it wasn’t your fault or it just wasn’t meant to be, you change the way you view it and start to realise just what it is you do and don’t want from being in a relationship.
- Accept – I’ve kind of already touched on this a little bit when referring to unconditional love. They were a certain way when you met them so don’t expect them to be different or change three months down the line. Respect their morals and values and the things that are important to them and make them who they are. Everyone is different life would be kind of boring if we all felt and acted the same way.
- We are individual– This goes without saying. We are all unique and so we should be. It’s great if you have joint hobbies but it’s great if you have ones just you like too. I think what I am trying to say is don’t expect your partner to conform to your idea of what they should be. Let them be themselves.
- Love is dangerous – yes it is but so can crossing the road with your eyes closed. I think you just need to keep a bit of common sense around you in the early stages. If someone seems controlling they usually are and you will find out nine months in when you end up not being able to even breathe without their say so.
- Everyone makes mistakes – Don’t we ALL!! All kinds of mistakes some over and over until you learn the lesson. I have made tonnes of the bloody things, mistake after mistake and I also think this sits along nicely with communication. I think if we communicate better there will be fewer mistakes. It’s not rocket science really is it? We are human beings So yes you can make your mistakes; that doesn’t mean You give permission for them to happen over and over again there’s a limit.
- The perfect human being doesn’t exist – no one is perfect but it seems that a lot of people need to be reminded of this. I know I’m not I’m overweight I have my flaws and have been reminded of this from a few men. The thing is weight can be gained and it also can be lost. However arrogance and being down right nasty I find quite an ugly trait and sadly usually stay with someone. The most important thing for me is a sense of humour, kindness, caring, compassion, empathy, gentleness and loving. Always remember one of us knows what experiences in life the other person has had. Well, there you go just a few things that failed relationships teach you.
I know there are a lot more I’d love to hear them if you want to share them please do a n the comments.
I love to hear other peoples points of view.