Panic attacks why me? Why today? Did I do something wrong?

hello lovlies, welcome back to my page I wasn’t planning on posting another blog post today but I’ve had one hell of a morning and need to vent and let it out. Nothing bad happened I had a regular morning, got the girls up and ready for school just fine. Got ready to go on a walk with my mother and the dogs all being fine until……

I had to go to my local GP practice to pick up my antidepressants and painkillers for my osteoporosis got there just fine until I walked through the door……the hot flashes came on big time I was sweating profusely, the light headed dizzy feeling I kept saying to myself “you’re ok kim theres nothing going to harm you” over and over in my head worrying every time someone spoke to me “do they see i’m panicky “the must see look how much i’m sweating” I finally got my prescription sorted out and sat down waiting on my mother still  the feeling wouldn’t leave I felt my heart thumping in my chest someone must see this surely bit no one seemed to see….

I got out of the doctors and walked with my mother to the local supermarket still trying to shake this feeling of sheer dread and dizziness “just keep walking kim don’t let it stop you you’re not going to pass out or die you’re completely safe” as I wandered through the supermarket staying close by my mother I tried everything I could to shake this feeling come on its only a feeling right?! I stood at the checkout getting served the sweat pouring down my back hands shaking could this woman see? does she think i’m some sort of drug addict or something?! whats wrong with me why can’t I just be normal like everyone else??? what did I do to deserve this?? i’m not a bad person am I?

I finally got back to the car and started to calm down and said to my mother I feel really anxious today for some reason, I know she understands but not to the full extent anyway I got home and put my shopping away and sat down to write this post its nothing special and I know probably no one will want to read but I need to share that mental illness is real it happens when you least expect it and as I cry writing this out I want to say i’m not looking for sympathy in any way I know there are people worse off than me all over the world but if theres anyone out there feeling the same way as I do you’re not alone!!

I feel you and I totally feel your pain.

From a very frazzled mother…

Kimberly xo

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